Fragrant Flatulence

I just remembered something. When you fart in public, there are two major concerns -- sound and smell -- and you hope nobody notices either. So one way is to press your butt against something, and hope both sound and smell get muffled by the materials on its way out.

But a word of warning. If you're sitting on a couch or seat and hoping that the cushion will do this job for you, here's a physics lesson: matter doesn't just disappear. What I'm saying is, that fart is still around. Try this: pick up your cushion, hug it, and give it a good loving squeeze afterwards. Minutes later, even. It'll all come back to ya in a jiffy. Hours of amusement for the whole family.