What Are Your Intentions, Son?

I think we established (back in an old blog post) that dating is about the intention. But I guess we left some scenarios open, because we still have some questions to answer. For instance ...

A: "so, let's say, you go out for coffee with a girl... the original intent was NOT to go on a 'date', but just for a friendly cup of java... but then, you hit it off and things are really good... so good that you want to see her again ..."
B: "... then the NEXT one is a date. But the first one isn't."
A: "yeah?"
B: "Yeah, you can't backdate (no pun intended)."

(I suppose we could just be making up the rules as we go along.) What do you think? How would you justify intention of a could-be-date?


Thoughts said...

I would say that if the original intention was not a date then it's not. It's just hanging out. If you later discover that you like this girl...then you'll start dating after that...or you can call that hanging out too...haha

lena said...

well, ben, i have discussed this with my co-workers and we have decided that you have not provided enough info. for example, did you pay for her coffee? how did the "date" end? did you get the vibes from her too?
But, we did agree that the simple answer would be "no, it's not a date".

head dump said...

ouch Mag, when you said "co-workers" my feelings kinda got hurt!
Anyhow. If the first one wasn't a date, it wasn't a date, period.

Even if you like her and ask her out on a date, if she doensn't consider it a date, then it's still not a date, she could just be hanging out.

um.. I guess it becomes a date when you both start to acknowledge you like eachother?

Ben said...

Does who pays factor into whether the evening counts as a date or not? If I hang out with a friend and I treat her to dinner, does that make it a date? If I want to get to know someone better and we go Dutch, does it make it not a date?

I'm still rooted in basing it on the original intention of the evening.

And the intention of either party doesn't necessarily have to match, right? That is, one person might consider it a date, while the other one doesn't really. (And no, the latter doesn't always happen to be the guy!)

I have to admit that I have on occasion called a meeting a "date", just to save on words. Problem is, it backfires because people then focus on the word "date" and then I have to spend a minute clarifying that I didn't mean "date", i meant hanging out but I was too lazy to explain it all, which is what I end up having to do anyhow. [sigh]

ceaz said...

I agree that you can't backdate. If both people are going into the "meeting" thinking it's a date, then it's a date.

Rich and Angel said...

Here's my thought Ben:

Romantic intent from Person A + Romantic intent from Person B = Date. No romantic intent from either person = no date. Romantic intent from one person only = "Let's just be friends." and one unhappy person.

Backdating is like an earnings restatement.