A Brush With Pink

Was thinking more about that pink pill (sodium fluoride tablets, not Zymax) we talked about that other day. It's kind of like that other pink pill that the dental expert gives you when she visits the class (once or twice a year).

That's where she shows you proper teethbrushing¹ technique, and then you're all told to go brush your teeth. So you're in the bathroom, brushing the best you've ever brushed, and trying really hard to do it the right way. You're practically pressure-washing your teeth; if you did any better, you'd wear out the enamels.

You come back with your classmates and sit at your desk. The lady talks some more, and then she pulls out those paintballs-fer-yer-mouth.

That's the test.

It's the other pink pill, and you've seen it before. It's the one that coats and stains your teeth on purpose, wherever plaque happens to be. Last year, you had plaque all over, but this year, it'll be different. You knew it was coming, and you're ready for it. Just minutes before, you completed the best brushing operation ever. You spent probably five times longer at that sink than you would even dream of at home, because this time there's a test. (And also because this time, you're not racing to get back to the couch before commercials are done.) You know you did great. You got every nook and cranny, and even found some teeth you had probably never brushed before.

Pop the pill, chew, chew, swish, swish. This is where your perfected fluoride pill squelching techniques really shine. You're so good at it that you envision everyone making a swishing circle around you like they used to do at the discos in the 70's, just to watch and clap! The swishing is over, and you open your mouth.

Nothing but pink.

In fact, there's so much pink that you swear it was even pinker than the pill itself! How the heck did that happen?? It's like you just licked a cherry popsicle after chewing on a red highlighter! Oh, the shame!

And you're one of the few people with pinkmouth -- somehow, most of the class has mastered teethbrushing, and you haven't. Even your exceptional math skills can't save you now. You vow to concentrate on brushing better for the rest of your life. (This, of course, only lasts until the next week.)

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¹ "teethbrushing"? Is that the right word, or "toothbrushing"? You're really brushing many teeth, but it just sounds weird.