Poo Bare

Ever notice? Poo smells different.

From the same person on different days, or from different people on the same day, or even the same person on the same day but just different times. I'm sure it has to do with what you eat and what's leftover when your body doesn't want it anymore: grains in your poo would be understandably different from ... curry, let's say. (Don't blame me if you're trying to visualize this.)

But over time you can get a consistent understanding for how YOUR poo smells.* And then it can become a decent indicator on how your health is; when I'm getting sick, it's different.

you're not eating enough fibre, pooh bear.In olden times, the Emperor of China had a (poor) guy whose job it was to smell his poo and determine from it an indication of his good/bad health. (There's a scene about this in the The Last Emperor.) Instead of a toilet, the Emperor poos into a big bowl, which the guy pulls up to his nose and gets a big whiff -- I imagine that he has that look on his face like a distinguished wine taster has when sampling the latest from Mondavi's reserves. (I can also imagine him complaining to his friends about the kind of sh!t he gets from his boss. Sorry.)

While the smell can tell you much, I don't think colour is really a good indicator. Must do more research.

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* I'm just talking about the poo. So you'll need to weed out the smell of the next stall, or the smell of that Glade air freshener, or any of that. Just plain poo.

21 comments:

Ce said...

Grooooooooooossssssss!

I do recommend you do lots of primary research.
Need volunteers? Ew ew ew!

Ben said...

Don't be like that. You know you noticed it too; I just happened to bring it up as a topic of discussion.

Please report your findings, thank you.

Momcy said...

You make me sick! Change topic. I beginning to wonder if you made this up. I'm older than you and I never heard of this? Yuck!

Ben said...

Okay. Enough. No more doubting me and my poo expertise!

Are you telling me you've never seen that scene in The Last Emperor?? You gotta be kidding me.

Here are a few other notes on how poo should be, and what affects the smell of your feces.

My poo today was fabulous; I enjoyed it immensely, even though I forgot to smell it. I could swear I had achieved enlightenment at one point even.

Happy Friday!

head dump said...

oh crap Ben, you worry me at times. i've got this gross feeling that your wrote that blog right after you stepped out of the washroom.

lena said...

hee...hee... OK - the worse poo smell I've ever experienced is after eating Chicken Garlic pizza. The pizza is sooooo good, but I am always weary of the bathroom trip after. OK - this is probably TMI!

Nk said...

HAhaha, yep, I remember that scene!

I think my worst is after 2 mugs of milk. Lactose intolerance. :( That was the time I was addicted to antipasto: I'd have a dozen crackers topped with antipasto, and 2 mugs of milk for breakfast at work. Talk about toxic gas. I thought it was the beans in the antipasto. Man, I felt so bad for my coworkers ....

Anonymous said...

what the fuck, dude ... ~ jason

ps. what about consistency and texture.

Anonymous said...

... or better yet, Head Dump, he wrote it WHILE he was still in the stall. - CY

Ben said...

Fibre definitely helps, Jason. And more sugars helps too, but not so much as to leave evidence after flushing, please.

I don't have my WLAN setup yet, so rest assured that blogging about (pun shamefully intended against my better judgement) sh!t like this has to wait until after I drop the deuce and after I proper wash my hands. And after I light a match -- okay, three or four -- and spray that room spray like crazy, with the ventilation fan on.

Kevin said...

Ever notice the affect of poo on people's urge to reply? The more you talk about poo, or toilet-related topics, the more people want to participate in the conversation. Sometimes a good smelling poo will also make you want to blog more. It's revitalizing.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else find it funny when you look at your poo and parts of it look exactly the way it did when you ate it? "hey, there's the green vegetables I had" or "haha, I almost forgot I had corn earlier today"

lena said...

Kevin - I totally agree. This blog is the most successful I've seen. And, if you look at Ben's previous Blog - about the 7 wonders of the world - there's no comments. NONE! What does that say about us? (For the record) I actually checked out the links and stuff, but I wasn't compelled to comment. That's terrible!

Ting said...

I think colour matters...

...when I was a kid, my mom bought me a cone of blue bubblegum ice-cream...the ice-cream itself was electric blue.

When it came out the other end my poop was green.

I never had that ice-cream again...nor any blue ice-cream for that matter.

Ting said...

And...

I used to be one of those people who took a dump like once a week...and they were DUMPS.

I finally complained to my doctor and he recommended drinking some warm water and then forcing myself to poop at a regular time everday. My body would then get reconditioned to poop on a daily basis.

He added that if you ignore your body's signals to poop, eventually, you'll lose the stimulation to do it. So in essence, I'd be re-training my body to respond to the pooping stimuli.

And...it worked!...sometimes I even go twice daily :)

Ben said...

Oh, Car, I have a tear in my eye. I'm so happy you were able to get back to a regular poo schedule.

Ben said...

Hahahaha ... somebody did a search, and found themselves at this entry in my blog! They searched on Google for:

"seeing poo in the toilet in a dream meaning"

I'll tell you what that means, stranger. It means even in your dreams, your life is sh!t. Hahahaha ...

Anonymous said...

not everyone has been to the 7 wonders of the world. but everyone knows about taking a crap. this bonding is spiritual. ~ jason

Thoughts said...

I go away for a few days and I come back to blogs on shit? What the hell?

Anonymous said...

good grief! how long had you saved up for this one? ~miscmusings

James said...

I knew a guy who would always have to go poop after a meal. I mean within 10 minutes of finishing his meal. And he had a phobia about using public restrooms, so he would run / take a cab home and poop in his own toilet. Luckily he lived in Hong Kong, so it's not that far. But still! And EVERYTIME he ate!