Metro

Alright, look.

I don't necessarily want toiletries made especially for men. Maybe I want the cucumber ones. And saffron lemon scents and strawberry kiwi. Tangerine mango! But heck, I'll settle for green tea and winter melon aromas. I want to come out of the washroom smelling like roses. Or lilies. Or sweetpea (which are, interestingly, flowers and not peas).

I want my skin nice and soft, chemically exfoliated, fully ph-balanced, gently moisturized, freshly fraganced. I like when my t-zone is neutralized, and my eyes are lovingly coated with eyecream!

I want my cuticles pushed back, my nails buffed and shining, hands given the intensive-care healing creams. My hair ends need to be sealed with hot oils, straightened with relaxing balms and de-frizzers, then textured with pomades and hair creams. My feet should be rubbed free of callouses, massaged deeply with just the tips of the thumbs, and smothered in soothing talcum lotion.

But pluck my eyebrows or leg hairs, and you will suffer the wrath of this pansy boy.