Soulmate: The One
I've been watching Serendipity as I fall asleep. It's really a cute movie, playing on the idea of "destiny" or "fate" (I dunno the difference), and how they will always keep you moving in the direction towards that one true soulmate for you. And that's prompted in me one of the most timeless questions:
"Do you believe in soulmates?"
A soulmate, as in the one person meant for you to be with and that you are, conversely, the one person meant for him/her. And if we're going to go down that path, "meant for" implies that someone is meaning for you to be together, which implies perhaps a belief in some sort of higher power. But one thing at a time: let's not worry about whether you believe in a higher power (or a specific one), do you believe there could someone (one person) meant for you out there? Perhaps someone with that unsaid connection with you that you might not realize at once.
Or better yet, that unsaid connection that, in all Hollywood-encrusted glory, causes you to catch eyes, hook personalities, and realize they're your love-at-first-sight soulmate?
14 comments:
I don't believe in "The One" or "soulmates". I think we just find someone that we get along reasonably well with and work together on the rest.
IMHO, I find the belief in the concept of "The One" rather dangerous. The relationship between a man and a woman, husband and wife, will always take work. As soon as people decide "this person is 'The One'", what's implied is: "okay, I don't have to work at it anymore, it should be self-sustaining from now on". Which, of course, is not true.
S, it's interesting that you make these points, because I'll be covering that on the next post where we play outside the boundaries of "The One".
But it's an interesting phenomenon to feel like you've met your "match", or rather, someone with whom you get along so well that you can't imagine long-term plans with anybody else. I've certainly felt that pretty strongly.
In Serendipity, there were constant memories and hints that brought both Jonathan and Sara back into each other's minds. Little things that remind them of each other, almost like a higher power nagging them that they're on the wrong path of how things are "meant to be". I can say that I've certainly felt that pretty strongly too, even if I'm not terribly religious myself.
> someone with whom you get along so well that you
> can't imagine long-term plans with anybody else.
Getting along really well is great. I don't dispute that. But you also need to be able to "NOT get along" well together... You need to be able to vehemently disagree, fight like cats and dogs and even HATE each other and still be able to resolve that.
I think my problem is with the notion of "feeling", because I don't trust my instincts, I don't trust my gut. My gut has been DEAD WRONG. On numerous occasions. So, I tend to be suspicious of the feelings of being on the right or wrong path in life, etc.
Oh, my. That's a good point. Hadn't really thought of it that way!
So many levels here...lets start with the question "do you believe in soulmates?"
I like to believe in them. all depends on how it's defined. if you are defining soul mate as the perfect person, than no, b/c there is no such thing as the perfect person. they will always have flaws, always have some issues....something. question is if you are willing to accept them or deal with them. if soulmate is defined as just someone that fulfills all that is Important to you that you need, then that is different. in that case i would answer yes...i do believe in that. so it all depends and some other things too.
in terms of "unsaid connections" I definitely believe in that. I believe in unsaid connections and feelings you can't explain and that it's there and you cannot deny it. you feel it and its in you no matter what you do. i believe in that.
as for the "little things that remind them of each other" i interrupt that as "signs". I believe in signs and how it has meaning. Ppl see signs because it's their subconsciousness talking or you wouldn't notice it otherwise.
believing in signs, or connections, or other things alike is like believing in Santa, never quite sure if its true, but it fills your heart with something magical somehow.
oops...that was "interpret" not interrupt. susan
I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate here, although I should say that the romantic in all of us wishes that there is a one, and that we find him/her. Being single, that gives me a goal, right?
Okay, so let's take a step back. What's the definition of a "soulmate"? I don't like the Merriam-Webster version of "a person temperamentally suited to another". Going with "the one", then that means there's only ONE meant for you, right? The chemistry between you and your soulmate should be undeniable and unmatched. By this definition, there is definitely a soulmate. You were made for each other in every which way... right?
Now, firstly, having a soulmate has absolutely nothing to do with actually meeting her (I'll refer to a female mate since I'm a guy). What if she's on the other side of the globe? What if she's already married with two kids? What if she's already 60 and you're 30?
Ok, once you get past those incredible odds, appreciating a soulmate isn't something everyone will understand. Not everyone knows a good thing, even if it's right in front of them. Relationships take work, regardless of soulmate or not. It falls on your own characteristics and personality.
Point being, if you're waiting for a soulmate, you can be waiting a long time. And even if you found your soulmate, you would still have to work at the relationship all the same. So, given that, how would you know that it wasn't like any other relationship?
Interesting, Kev. You brought a lot of good issues that I'm going to cover (as a rebuttal to The One). Now, not that I'm necessarily a believer in the idea of a single perfect soulmate for each of us, but I'll offer a few arguments just for argument's sake.
I'm assuming that the higher powers would only intend a soulmate for you, taking care that you two are meant to be (ie. an acceptable age gap, geographical gap, etc). So if she's 60 and you're 30 (and if this is not acceptable to you -- I dunno, some people would be alright with it), they would probably only be considered your "soulmate" if you were placed in the same locale and given that "unsaid connection" between the two of you.
That, of course, entails some trust and confidence in the diety-of-your-choice to mind those details for you. And a little magic, like in the movies.
The completely opposite view from having soulmates is that of Eddie Murphy in Raw, where he says that everyone in this world is fvcked up, and you just need to find someone who is as fvcked up as you are, then you're done. Hahaha, chew that for a bit.
soulmate? yes.. i'm a romanticist.. (is that even a word?)... and i believe in soulmates. but that doesn't mean i'm going to find him (contrary to Kevin, i'm a girl, so my soulmate would be a guy =b ). i may have even missed him entirely...
whether or not the guy/girl you're with is your soulmate or not, all relationships take work. i think soulmates just connect deeper on a certain level but it doesn't mean the relationship needs less work. if you believe thats the case, and "slack off" believing you're in a relationship with your soulmate, you might just end up letting her/him slip away...
in continuation...
God or whomever might try to push two people together, but i think each person has to be in the right frame of mind... it has to be the right time and place in each person's life where they are ready to find each other...
maybe people have a few things to learn about themselves, lessons to teach, people to meet, experiences to well, experience before they're ready to be with their soulmate... maybe thats why some people don't find their soulmate until after they've married, have 2 kids, get divorced.
just a thought...
Soulmate..
Well, I've been trying to organize my thought before I posted this comment as I have been re-evaluating my stand on this topic lately. I do believe in soulmates (notice there is an "s" at the end) and I think it's an unfortunate choice of word. I think it should be more like kindred heart/sprit rather than a catch all word soulmate.
Just because there is your soulmate out there, doesn't mean you will meet this person or even if you meet him/her, doesn't mean you will end up living out the proverbial "happily ever after".
As S have said.. it's all about compatibility. No matter what wording you use, "the one" and "soulmate" is ultimately a word used to describe someone you are more compatible with than others. I feel that it's very irresponsible to be entirely relying on the notion "the one" and the "soulmate" because if the relationship fails, you have an excuse. "She wasn't the one".
So here is my point.. There is "the one" out there for everyone but I do strongly believe that the one is made in our mind to be the one.
That Serendipity movie made me want to throw up. I think you're right about the six. Maybe more. I don't like the idea of just one so much.
I just watched the movie Serendipity (for the nth time) and it never fails to make me smile. I agree with you it is a cute movie.
About your question, I do believe in the concept of: "the ONE", "soulmate", "true love." They say that we will know because just like a maze every road or turn would always lead us back to him/her. It depends on how open or aware we are of the signs that destiny or fate provides. Sometimes when those signs are there but we ignore them or we do not see them, chances are we would miss the opportunity to be with "the one" sooner. But if we are really meant to be with him/her, we will still find that same person at the end of the road, no matter what.
But the thing is we can also make a certain person "THE one." After all, the heart is suggestible and love really begins in the mind.
In short, there are people who believe or don't believe in "the one" but those who do not are more in touch with their subconscious and are more confident to choose their true love- in their own special way. Those who happen to believe in destiny moving us closer to the one actually love surprises and rather enjoy guessing who could be that "one true love". They would rather follow their heart as they pick up clues from the Universe because that would be more interesting, wouldn't it?;)
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