How May I Help You?

We all know that good customer service is hit-and-miss. Not only in being courteous, addressing your problem, and assuming intelligence on your part (after you show them you have some), but in actually finding a solution. Here's a miss. (This is part one. Just skim the long parts -- I'll bold the good stuff for ya.)

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Hello! I'm trying to update the firmware on my S400 to v2.0.0.0, and my PC has Windows XP on it. [lots of technical details omitted]
I can't seem to update the firmware. Solution?
Ben
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Dear Ben,
Thank you for writing to us. I apologize for any difficulties with getting the Firmware Update to work properly for the PowerShot S400.
Please ensure all background programs are closed including any utility programs or Anti-Virus programs. Also, if you have any other devices on your system, please remove them (other than the mouse, keyboard, and camera).
Please let us know how this works for the camera.
Sincerely, Angela
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Hi, Angela.
No dice on that play. I shut down just about everything, and still it claimed there were multiple cameras connected.
I also tried [lots of technical details omitted, including troubleshooting and trying numerous scenarios] Can you send me something in the mail that would help? A 2MB CF card that has the right firmware on it (since I think the software is only 2MB large anyway), perhaps? I'm grasping for straws here.
Thanks! Ben
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Dear Ben,
Thank you for contacting Canon product support. I apologize for the difficulty you are experiencing with your PowerShot S400 firmware upgrade. Unfortunately, for liability reasons, our technical support group is not allowed to assist with firmware updates.
I apologize for the inconvenience. If you would like to have your camera's firmware upgraded, our factory service center will be able to do this for you free of charge. [shipping instructions and details omitted]
Please send your camera to the following address: [more shipping stuff omitted] Usually, warranted repairs are completed within approximately ten to fourteen business days of the camera's arrival at the Factory Service Center. [snip snip snip]
Sincerely, John
Product Support Representative
Customer Satisfaction ... The most important product we support!

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Now, just as they had assumed no intelligence of me, I did the same. Perhaps this guy was just pasting from his Book of Responses. I had to see if someone "competent" could help me here. I mean, clearly, this issue had to have come up in their QA process. I tried to climb higher in the ladder for a (proper) response.

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John,
All this, for a simple firmware update? Is this a problem that only I'm having, or is this a more common problem? I'm surprised that I have to do without my camera for up to three weeks for something as trivial as a firmware update. Please advise on how I can escalate this issue, thanks!
Ben
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Dear Ben,
Thank you for your inquiry. We appreciate your patience with this issue. Unfortunately since we do not assist customers with firmware updates we are unable to give you any other alternatives then to send the camera in. We apologize for the time you will be without the camera.
Thank you for choosing Canon.
Sincerely, David
Product Support Representative
Customer Satisfaction... The most important product we support!
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Product Support Representative,
I understand that Canon eCare cannot offer me the support I require for firmware updates, thanks for reiterating that statement. I am looking to you to assist in your customer's satisfaction, which I understand is "the most important product [you] support"! Please advise how I can escalate this issue, thank you.
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Dear Ben,
Thank you for writing to us regarding the Firmware upgrade for your Powershot S400. Your inquiry has been escalated to me for a response. My name is Chris Easdon and I am the Operations Supervisor for On-line Support here at Canon ITS. Unfortunately, as has been conveyed to you previously, for liability reasons we are in no way authorized to assist you with the Firmware upgrade. This is the policy of Canon USA and Canon Inc. [snip snip] No other options for service or assistance are available to anyone here at Canon ITS. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes you.
Respectfully, Christopher J. Easdon
Operations Supervisor, Canon ITS

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Well, now, I didn't see the point of continuing the dialogue with Chris. [sigh] Luckily, I found later, the upgrade is simply for some kind of direct printing feature which I don't need (yet).