I Hate Cats

I had a run-in with a black cat today. It caused me substantial grief.

"Well, just leave all your stoopid western superstitions behind, foo'!" - my ever-so-loving sister

Actually, yeah, it was my superstition that caused the grief. Sort of self-fulfilling. Definitely stupid.

Stupid cat. I saw it just sitting there in the middle of the damned road for no good reason. I mean, yes, it was a gorgeous Friday morning, but still ... go enjoy it on the side of the road.

Stupid cat. As I started riding closer, it saw me, got up, and started walking in the (right) side that I was planning to go around him. So I'm thinking,
"Sh!t, ain't no black cat gonna cross my path."

I sped up a little to cut around it, and the stupid black cat started to pick up its trot too! At one point, I decided to concede superstitious defeat, to give in to bad luck, and I slowed down, slighted left to go behind it, and then recover my speed again. That damned cat stopped and backtracked over to the left! I couldn't believe it, it faked me out on the right and was coming to bodycheck me on the left side!

Stupid cat! I felt like he was playing some kind of video game with me, that stupid stupid cat. In the goodness of my heart, I had to emergency brake ultra-hard -- yes, I'm pretty sure that's the technical term -- and the bike came up on the front tire and fell over.

Stupid stupid cat.

Yeah, I know, I'm starting to realize that I totally don't belong on a scooter. (I'm going to upgrade my rear brake pad next week.) Stupid black cat. Next time, if it can't decide where it's going to go, I'll just run over it. That cat just ruined it for all cats I encounter on the road in the future.

An interesting side observation: no matter which side my bike falls over on, I always injure me on the left.


Momcy said...

I would run that cat over! Make a cat pizza out of it! Mew mew!

Kevin said...

Would you stop getting into accidents already?