So Emotional

Little annoying things were starting to happen to me, and to those around me: car accidents (minor), lost items, dropped possessions, those kinds of things. So I figured it was time to visit the 龍山寺 temple again.

As soon as I stepped inside of the gates, something came over me. Or rather, something surfaced from within me, and I suddenly wanted to burst into tears. Tears swelled in my eyes and blurred my vision; I had to stop walking towards the temple. This is particularly foreign to me because I've never had any reaction like this to anything even remotely religious before, and there I was, feeling like these things wanted to be released from inside me.

Of course, I held it in; nobody wants to see a grown man cry (not even if they say they do). I went along my business: making the offering, burning incense, thanking them for my luck and recovery from the scooter accident, and then praying for continued protection for me, those around me, and those near to my heart.

Even now, when I really think about it, i can feel tears wanted to well up again. That's new.

8 comments:

Mike said...

I'm more familiar with a different religion but I think I can relate.

Religion has more to do with how you feel and what it means to you rather than what others tell you.

Prayer holds more power than you can ever imagine. I will not get into what I think is the right religion but I'm glad that you have found some comfort in the power of prayer.

hougee said...

holy that sounds quite intense... is there something?

Nk said...

I used to get that feeling of intense calm and relief each time I went to the temple in Richmond (back home)....

Since coming here, though, I've only felt that once. I'm not sure if it's the busybusybusiness of the temple, or just that I'm on the go or what, but I've been rather "disappointed" mostly with my temple goings here.

I may have to go on a weekday when there are less people....

Momcy said...

Ben, I think you may be experiencing loneliness and home sick, with the surrounding of the temple or church, there is a peaceful and quite feeling which might let your emotion comes on. I think that’s why people would open up more with their feelings and see the good side of them when they are at church or temple! I might be wrong!

head dump said...

I can relate to what you're feeling. I get like that when I'm around someone/some place where I feel safe to "exhale" let my guard down and let out all the stress. Then I feel better. It good that you found a place where you can do that. It gets tiring trying to play strong all the time.

S said...

I, too, am affected by being at the temple in Richmond. I was there earlier this year between the Lunar New Year and the first full moon (http://www.livejournal.com/~bride/535376.html). It was packed and I'm mildly demophobic, but I was surprisingly calm in the Hall of Light.

The Smashed Troll said...

Something very similar happened to me when i was in a church in Argentina last year. I am not religious either and i cried. Lucky i had waterproof mascara on and dark glasses. I looked around and saw alot of other people doing the same :)Sometimes things just get to be too much,especially when away from home.

Anonymous said...

i been gone this long and then i read that you had an emotional 'break'

i be missin out yo

im just kidding ben, i hope you are ok benster. i will burn a candle for you.