Marketing: Not Just About Slogans

Recently, over dinner, something popped in my head (this happens often). It was a little clip from a Friends episode (this happens more often than it should). This time it was Chandler, trying his hand at off-the-cuff slogans when he decided to take up marketing:

"Cheese. It's milk that you chew."
"Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy."
"A grape. Because who can get a watermelon in your mouth?"
"The phone. Bringing you closer to people ... who have phones."
"Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood."
"Pants. Like shorts, but longer."

And I thought, "You know, I could probably do that." I peered down at my dinner, and several popped out in rapid succession:
"Curry: looks like poo, but tastes much better."
"Taiwan: dirty, smelly, hot and unbearable, but at least it's cheap."
"Spandex: show the public where your fat is."
"Alcohol: makes life prettier."
"Air conditioning: because sometimes ... it's too hot."

I dunno. What can you come up with?


Ashley said...

Teachers, because some people just can't hack it out there.

Convenience, because who really wants to do anything for themselves anymore.

Normality, why think for yourself?

Anorexia, evolution's attempt to weed out the sociopaths.

So, perhaps I went a bit far, but, there you go.

Ben said...

Ouch, you're cruel, Ashley. But hey, that's the price that fun comes at.

"Mobile phones. Another way to be reached at any time, even when you don't want to be."

"Email. Because who doesn't want 50 daily emails about how to increase their manhood / virility / cashflow?"

"Milk. Because any other animal's pee is probably not as nutritious."

"Voicemail. So they can say what they want to say, even when you don't answer your mobile phone."

"Blogs. Keeping you in touch with people who just read and don't comment, much akin to virtual Peeping Toms."

"Work. So you can get away from home with a consistently acceptable excuse."

Obviously, I'm losin' it.