That Didn't Hurt At All

I stood there with my dress shirt pulled up some inches, and my pants pulled down the same distance to expose the bare skin on my right hip. His inquisitive face was very close. Almost uncomfortably close. But hey, we're adults, and he's a professional.

why you should wear shoes when walking in dark slummy alleys"We can try an injection of cortizone to the spots where you need the scar to reduce, or we can use a topical cortizone," he suggested.
"What do you suggest? It's been a year since the appendectomy. What's the best way to do this?" I asked, relying on his years of experience.
"We may as well go with the injection; it's simple and results are faster."
"Is it terribly painful?"
"Oh, it won't hurt me a bit," he replied with a grin.

It must be one of those jokes that doctors all over the world have used before, and probably with almost every single patient they have. Dentists probably know that joke too, but for some reason, I don't think the people seeing the dentists would find it quite as funny. But as much as I knew it was an old well-repeated joke, I had to chuckle. (Hey, it was funny.)

I lay there on the padded bed thing, and he donned the latex gloves, ready to attack my appendectomy scar. I felt a gentle poking at four distinct points along the length of my scar, but I couldn't strain to see it, for fear of stressing my belly area during the injection. And magically, after those probes, he stepped away. It was amazing, so painless, so easy-breezy-beautiful. I had great new-found respect for my dermatologist!

"That wasn't it, was it?"

"No, that was me and my magic pen, marking off where to inject. And applying a little alcohol on the surface." He wheeled around to the side table, and got the needle, punctured the sealed canister, and loaded it up. Turning to my scar, he announced, "Okay, now we're ready to get started."

Let me tell you this: cortizone injections hurt like a mutha.


Anonymous said...

LOL, that was pretty funny ! (the joke your doctor made, not that fact that you were in pain).

Did the injection work at least you think?


S said...

Ouch. =P

I have to be watching or I go bananas with pain. I can give myself shots in the tummy, getting an IV line in, getting blood drawn is no problem. But _I_have_to_be_watching_it_.

Ben said...

Why would you want to watch it? And how the hell do you administer your own tummy shots?

I just watched blood being drawn from my arm today; it wasn't a necessity that I watch it, but I was rather fascinated by it. She removed 28mL total from me, and I saw each vacuum vial fill up with dark-red ooze.

And you, that separator stuff is really cool! They throw the vial in a centrifuge, and as it spins up, the red blood cells go to the bottom, the plasma goes to the top, and the separator sits in between them, creating an easy line so they can just extract the cells they need. Smart, those medical people inventions!

S said...

>Why would you want to watch it?

I find that it takes away the element of surprise. If I know when exactly things are happening, I expect it and I'm not startled.

And I also find it fascinating to watch. =)

> And how the hell do you administer your own tummy shots?

Clean with alcohol. Pinch some flab (of which there is an overabundance) and... ready-set-pokie. =)

Anonymous said...

I can't watch at all. I can't see the size of the needle or I will freak out - even if it's little. I have to do deep, calming breathes while the fluids are going in/ coming out. And won't be able to open my eyes again until the needle is safely capped. I do however, like to see them actaully put the needle in the box thing. Don't want my cooties going to soemone else.

I especially dislike the nurses that say "ok, ready?" I mean when are you gonna be ready... My dentist however does this weird rubbing thing near/ around the injection site that totally takes the sting from the poke and the novicane going in. That's a nice guy and great dentist!


Anonymous said...

Be glad you're not diabetic ;-) (I'm not either but I'm just saying)

I can't watch either. I always look away, take a deep breath and exhale when they start. It really helps avoid feeling anything most of the time.

Now, the time I had to have bone marrow extracted from my hip bone, that hurt. Ever since, I no longer complain about needles in skin. Needles in bone are worse.

Momcy said...

I hate needles, they can't seem to find my veins and ends up getting a big bruise on the arm, never failed.
:( u'll never will see me "give blood"!

Ben said...

Ew, needles in bone. I can't even imagine that kind of pain. (It's a good thing I'll never have to give birth.)

I've been pretty lucky so far in not getting bruised during the needle-poking procedure. I've heard of someone having SEVERAL TRIES before the nurse got it into the vein -- they left with major bruising, and probably had an arm that looked like it was owned by a heroine addict.

I always want to have it done in my left arm (so that I can still drive stick and write things and use my mouse), but they usually can't get a nice pop-up vein going, so I'm almost always stuck with doing it in my right arm.

I don't usually give blood, but that's not because of the pain / bruising -- I don't have enough blood for myself as it is.