Snoop Girly Girl

A while back, I went to see "Little Black Book", which is a movie about what a girl discovers when urged (by her evil friends) to go through her boyfriend's PDA while he's away on business. In short, it's about how she goes psycho in a tsunami of distrust in her man.

I've heard of such things happening. I know of people who will check their partners' emails and call logs in the suspicion that something's happening behind their backs. More often than not, it's the girl who (in some sort of emotional fury) is snooping in her boyfriend's stuff, but it definitely goes both ways.

my precioussss ...This movie struck a chord with me, and I still don't understand the thoughts that must be going through one's head as they embark on that witch hunt.

What are they hoping to get out of it? Clearly, they think something is there, and they hope to find it, to uncover the scandal within. And when they do, all hell will break loose:
- there will be a verbal fisticuffs, much drama
- they will cut the other person off
- the relationship will end
- they will be better off by themselves, happy ending and all that good stuff

Great plan. Except I see it as a self-fulfilling prophecy, based on the personalities that typically come into this situation. This person (let's for convenience's sake label this as a "her") starts on a quest that seems relatively harmless at first, but she suspects him of things. Evil things. Bad things. Sometimes these are founded, sometimes they're not. Either way, there is probably little benefit of doubt granted here. And when an initial search turns up nothing, the mentality isn't that "there is nothing to hide", but rather ...

"No no, I know it's there. Something's fishy. I just haven't found it. I'm probably not looking hard enough; must try harder. Oh, I'll find it."

This cycle doesn't seem to end. It just goes on, driving our little friend deeper and deeper into this craziness. Soon, she becomes literally desperate to find something to sabotage the relationship with -- it's almost as if she wants let hell break loose.

What does it stop? When she's convinced that she's found something. The smoking gun. That "undeniable evidence" that really is deniable, and possibly could be easily explained, except that she's already decided beforehand that it's unrefutable evidence. So either way, the judge has ruled. Whatever the questionable evidence was, it has indeed created a major rift between the two, made for an heated turn of events, the end of a relationship, and perhaps a contract to sell the rights of such a story to a major movie production company.

Great. Did the snooper win? Or is everyone left heartbroken? And what was the point again? Tell me a story you've heard about such an event, or please offer something from the "other side" as to why this all happens. I don't get it.


Anonymous said...

You can't be serious. There is no reasoning with a woman who's made up her mind that her "man" is cheating.
Best thing to do.. don't get involved with such a woman.

Kevin said...

Given that she's going to suspect you and accuse you of cheating, why not let her win? Cheat.

Momcy said...

I went through my husband's wallet once just to tease him in front of my friends. All I found were pictures of my daughter, my son & my dog. I then question him why there isn't any picture of me!!? Now, he has a picture of me because I inserted it in his wallet. Got to go through his pockets when I do the washing otherwise the washing machine will be full of kleenex pieces. :D

Ben said...

I once had this happen to me, and she actually checked my phone history right infront of me. I mean, sure, I understand that she obviously didn't trust me -- why, I don't know -- but I also felt the action was rather disrespectful and tactless. I mean, it's bad enough to check it behind my back, but right in my face while I'm eating??

She did it in a cute way, I have to admit, but I knew what was up. I put my spoon down, took the phone out of her hand, and put it on the other side of me on the table.

Momcy said...

Ben, she was only teasing you and also shown that she cared enough that she wanted to make sure that there were only two of you and also as one together with no secrets. I really think you were a little over reacted. Anyway, it is history and maybe let it go the next time when this happen again with right girl. Think of it as being generous and open minded? :)

Anonymous said...

I think people should respect each other's privacy a little more. If he's cheating, he's cheating. If oyu think he's cheating why are you with him. If you think he's capable of cheating, why are you with him. Why get involved with someone you don't trust. If we all jsut started there, then all these games wouldn't be necessary. I don't think "checking up" on someone is helpful at all. And I know plenty of guys that snooped my stuff and got their feelings hurt - I was not sorry for them at all. That's what you get for snoopiog. (no, i was not cheating) KT

S said...

I was supposed to look in his stuff? o_O

Anonymous said...

dude what are you talking about. snooping is fun.

ok so someone has a theory that, if you are a girl, and you want to steal some other girl's boyfriend, you shouldn't try and seduce the guy or anything like that. its supposedly more effective if you just try and make the other girl jealous. and if she gets jealous, it will create this vicious cycle of bickering with her bf and break up the relationship.

sounds shady huh?

Ben said...

Yowza, that IS shady. But i suppose that's an effective mind game to play, if that's the way you want to get the girl / guy to be with you. Not a terribly nice way to start off a relationship, though.

S, yes, you missed your best snooping years with HusbandGuy. Sorry. ;-)

KT, I agree. If the trust isn't there, then there are other things in the relationship to be examined (and possiby solved). Snooping isn't the answer, because if you don't find anything, it's not a definitive result, and yet, still never tends to change the snooper's mind anyhow. And if you DO find something questionable, there's never enough explaining to the biased listener that they will be convinced.

Ah, life. Spicy!

Anonymous said...

Snooping. If the opportunity presents itself, I think most do it because they have an insatiable curiosity to hopefully find something [scandalous]: learn something about the other that they don't already know or to prove their *evil* thoughts wrong. Of course, this always backfires on them. They often come away from the experience being extremely hurt. Or making great leaps and bounds with their imagination; creating a lot of resentment, mistrust and misunderstanding.

The key is always to communicate.

I know of one couple, who live together and share the same computer. His boyfriend went through his cache files and found old logged chat files on it. Some of those online chats were harmless but extremely provacative. Of course, this lead to a serious round/weeks of fighting about what qualifies as 'cheating' or not.

Recently, I was in a position to read Mr. Man's writings. Matter of fact, I had free access to his entire apartment. Did it cross my mind to read it? Perhaps a smidge. Did I do it? No. Why? I just wasn't curious enough. Or rather, I respected his privacy too much to jeopardize our relationship in this way. If I want to know something, I'll ask. But I think the real reason is, I trust him.

- aliasa

Ben said...

Opportunities abound. And sure, we all have a tiny thought that we could do it. But how you respond to that "knocking" is really what your character is, and what you're made of. Aliasa, I applaud you for not rummaging through his belongings like CIA. :-)

I will admit that I've been curious before, but I've never gone all-out investigative.

And yet, though it seems like non-snoopers are "more trusting" of the partner, it could also be interpreted as though we just "don't want to know". Or reworded, we'd "rather hide from the potential truth" of the situation -- I think that attitude / argument has some validity, but then it also begs the question on what you think is being hidden from you, and ultimately, why it must be hidden from you. And then starts the blame game on "whose fault" it really is that you snoop.

Snoop, girly girl!