Talking to a Hummer

People eat while they talk, and talk while they eat. And as long as they don't play seafood (#13), that's just fine with me. Common courtesy is still to keep your mouth closed when you eat, of course, but I guess people aren't content with just eating without talking.

They have to talk. You see, it's really important that you know right this instant, and it can't wait until the current mouthful of food is properly chewed and swallowed. So what do they do?

"Mmm-mmmm mmmm mmmm-mm hmmm-hmm-hmmmm."

"Oh, I see. Uh-huh? You don't say!" As if, with a good grasp of the language, I should be able to deduce a full English sentence based solely on the intonation you're using.

I used to guess at it, whereby they would nod or shake their head. Or they would hum the same thing louder and slower (and somewhat more frustratedly). "Ah, thanks, now it's clear." Heck, I'm not deaf, and I'm not stupid -- I just don't understand your humming.

This quickly grew old for me, and I figured I would wait until they were ready to communicate intelligently: I'd simply stare that them blankly. But after a while, I found ways to have even more fun with it.

"Jab your butt with a plastic fork?"
"You like meat that's twelve days old?"

Somehow, only I seemed to think it was funny. Only I would have the gall to play around with this urgent message they were trying to get across! Of course, I still don't understand why they can't just chew, swallow, then talk.


miffy chan said...

or how about people who talk with their mouth full and end up spitting half of it out at you? now that's disgusting...

Ben said...

Damn, who are you having lunch with??