I don't talk to her anymore. It's sad, but it's like she's far in the distant past and now in the present she's completely unrelated to my life. I'm also saddened that I don't even know her at all anymore. I don't know what she's into, what's going on in her life, nothing. And yet, I don't really see any reason I should put much effort into establishing -- no, salvaging -- something again.

People say that time heals all. Does it? There HAS been time, and I thought it should be healed, but I don't like the idea that something like this still affects me. As if the past thrust its hand out of the dark clouds to grab at my ankles and pull me back in.

I mean, I can logically accept everything just fine. I'm sure she's a nice person still, and I'm sure she didn't do what she did on purpose just to hurt me. But the (emotional) fact is that she did hurt me, and something in me was terribly destroyed. Literally shattered. I was bitten by her, shot with poison darts. And parts of me are still shy; I may never recover from that. THAT part, I hate. I hate that it's still there, even now. I should be above this. Shouldn't I?

No comments: