Pee and Poo

Merry Christmas! Three questions we should all have immediate answers to.

1. If you just started showering, and suddenly had to pee, what do you do?
a. Just pee. (Specify any particular techniques or methods.)
b. Hold it.
c. Stand in the shower, but aim for the toilet.

2. If you're on the toilet, and all done your doodies, which way do you wipe?
a. Hand outside around the back ("wallet from your backpocket" route).
b. Hand down between legs to the back (a la "Marilyn Monroe in the gust of wind").
c. I don't wipe; that's the job of my thong underwear.

3. If you're in a public toilet stall spitting logs, and someone comes in just as you're about to drop another deuce, do you ...
a. Pause, and hold it mid-drop.
b. Drop it anyway; who cares, it's a bathroom.
c. Drop it, but let out a loud cough to mask the splash sound.

What, I'm just asking how you do it; not asking for a demonstration! So thank you for your time and candidness in answering, after you get over the initial disgust.

PS: I've filled in a bunch of entries between 12/10 and 12/15, in case you missed those.


Kevin said...

1. I might just interrupt the shower, walk out to the toilet and pee. Or just hold it. But it rarely happens that way. I usually know whether I need to pee before going into the shower.

2. a. Does anyone do (b)? How can you get a clean wipe?

3. Depends. a or b. Just depends on whether I think my identity might be discovered.

Ben said...

My answers:

1. I usually (a) just pee, though I take every precaution to pee "downstream" and away from me, focusing so that it goes as efficiently as possible, straight into the drain. Then ample showering to "flush".

2. I always do it (a) hand around the outside, but WiLD 94.9 in the Bay Area had a morning talk show where they discussed the merits of (b) and supposedly actually tried it and found it was a cleaner wipe. I haven't had the guts to do it that way, because something about it just seems wrong.

3. I suppose it depends on what kind of public bathroom I'm in -- company, public public, or somewhere else. Usually, I'll just (b) let her go bombs-away, but if I'm likely to be readily identified by people I'll see a lot in the future, it's (a) or (c).

Ce said...

2b is the best. It only seems wrong because you've learned 2a your whole life.

Ben said...

Doesn't 2(b) conceptually mean you're wiping brownies towards your goodies, though? That's the part I can't get over.