Seeking, Seeking

For the past 5 years, I just feel like I've been moving from place to place, job to job, environment to environment, always in search of that better opportunity and better chance. I feel kind of like a cocaine addict, seeking that fabled first high: apparently, all the subsequent ones never feel as good as the first time.

And that "first high" was of course during the surreal dot-com era, in my beloved hometown of Vancouver.

Well, I was just thinking that my life so far as been rather temporary. I need to settle down; I actually want to settle down. And then I'll be able to start feeling like I belong somewhere. At this point, I think ideally I'd like to live in Vancouver, Bay Area, or Seattle: each have the pluses and minuses, and various strengths or weaknesses around economy, quality of life, cost of living.

Settling down will give me that footing, instead of buying IKEA furniture or just making do with whatever is around so I don't have to waste money on "temp living conditions". After all, I've had IKEA furniture most of my life (living on my own). I don't know if that will change a whole lot even if I settle down, because I actually like IKEA stuff. But I would be less prone to picking the cheaper stuff.

And then definitely my mindset will change, and I can start building towards the rest of my life.

7 comments:

hougee said...

totally know what you mean.. been thinking alot about the same thing the last couple of months... erghh.. are we going thru early mid life crisis?

lem-n-ada said...

hougee, wouldn't an early mid life crisis involve a porche and a pair of nineteen year old walking implants? no, i think that most people around our age are thinking about having more stability in their life, that's all. and it's a good thing to want in life.

Mike said...

Man.. you guys are just starting to think about stability? :P

All I can say is.. enjoy what you have today without looking at what others 'seem' to have as a safety and stability. Things I wish I did while I was single.. or even without a kid. Not that I'm complaining or anything. :D

hougee said...

ahah.. not exactly it's more like i realize that i don't have too much time left before i have kids... so need to figure out how i can do everything that i want before i can't.

lemnada... a porsche is def an idea!!! ahaahh

lem-n-ada said...

Not that it's a contest or anything - but as the only 30 yr old woman here - I think I corner the market for "not much time left" (i.e. you guys have DECADES not YEARS)... But I think I finally feel like I've done most of the flighty, crazy things in life and can move into the next phase. Just trying to decide if that involves children or not :P

And Hougee, if you get the Porsche, I wanna borrow your wheels - heh heh...

Ben said...

Meh, I wouldn't say we have decades left. I mean, decades of LIFE, yes, but not if one considers the logistics of rearing children and all that kind of family stuff.

I mean, it's not necessarily that I want a LOT of stability; it's just that I feel like my past 5 years haven't had ANY of it. Balance, is all I want.

I doubt my mid-life crisis will involve a Porsche nor 19-year-olds: Porsches are not my choice of German engineering, and 19-year-olds are probably way too much drama for an old fart like me.

turen said...

either way, we'd all welcome you back to north america, let you take care of our kids and have that sense of stability. :)