So I have the wonderful honour of MC'ing a banquet this coming November. I haven't been working on the speech, and the groom IM'd me recently about that evening. So I gave him an impromptu speech. Transcript below.

[14:05] him: Oh, good thing you've been doing all that blog rhyming lately... it'll come in handy when you MC.... Hee hee.
[14:06] me: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the glorious wedding banquet for [groom] and [bride]. Mike check, 1, 2, 1, 2. Y'all in the house?
[14:06] me: I said, ARE Y'ALL IN THE HOUSE?? I can't hear you!
[14:07] him: "Throw your m-f'in hands in the air! Wave 'em round like you just don't care!
[14:07] me: Check check, 's alright. We here to party all night. Sip Bacardi, red wine or white.
[14:08] me: Congratulate them with a toast!
[14:08] me: Lobster? Ate it, where's the pot roast?
[14:08] me: You can each come up and tell us funny jokes.
[14:09] me: Sun down to sun up, we be drunky blokes.
[14:09] me: Yeah yeah, even you old grumpy folks
[14:10] me: And ya little kids too, the ones cryin' boo hoo. Parents, glue they mouths shut with UHU. Or I come down there and smack them and you too.
[14:10] me: Yay!
[14:10] him: hahahahhahah.
[14:10] me: I can rhyme again!
[14:10] him: you da man, man!
[14:10] him: yes you can, can!
[14:10] me: I knew I could.
[14:11] me: Oh, I'm going to blog that rhyme.
[14:11] him: oh dear... here we go again!
[parts omitted]
[14:13] me: I'll just confirm it this week for you. Is that okay?
[14:13] me: Or you need sooner?
[14:13] me: set sail on your schooner?
[14:13] him: no.. no need... just curious george.
[14:13] me: eat sashimi salmon tuna?
[14:13] me: playing trombone and tuba?
[14:13] me: ever gone diving, scuba?
[14:14] him: dress in drag and do the hula?
[14:14] me: like al pacino, go "Ooohh-aaah"
[14:14] me: Hahaha ... good one!
[14:14] him: like tiimone and his sidekick pumba/
[14:14] me: Nice.
[14:15] me: Like rice. Or shaved ice.
[14:15] me: with milk and fruits on it.
[14:15] him: or half a pound of lice
[14:15] me: Or even syrup, goshdarnnit.
[14:15] me: round up the mice
[14:15] me: and stop 'em from stealing it.
[14:15] me: the wedding and married life -- are ya feeling it?
[14:16] him: (yeah, yeah!)
[14:16] me: in bed with your fairy wife
[14:16] me: must be very nice

(I lost focus in the middle somewhere. And okay, maybe it needs a little work.)