Lost in Translation

Because I'm currently in Japan, I'm used to seeing strange contraptions that are intended to simplify your life by making everything in it more complicated. In the bathroom, this means toilets with bidets and sprays and heated seats, and probably motorized seats too (so you and your boy/girlfriend can finally stop fighting over that classic issue. But this was new.

I stepped into the bathroom of my hotel room, and sitting on the wall right next to the toilet was a remote control. Quietly and happily sitting in its bracket, it brandished three big buttons:

BIDET
SHOWER
STOP

Okay. "Bidet", I know. I avoid it, and suggest you do too, unless you enjoy a spray of warm water that feels it's trying to give you an enema. And "stop", that's obvious. But "shower"?? I mean, these silly Japanese designed a freaking remote control to start the shower before you even got in?? I suppose I could see the point: you could start the water from the taps without worrying about getting sprayed from the showerhead, or you could turn on the water before you got in so that it could have time to warm up to the right temperature.

Huh. Clever.

So let's see. I turned the showerhead away (towards the wall) and pressed it. There I was, standing in the bathroom, intently watching the bath tap fixture and showerhead, ready for the adventure ahead. Nothing happened. Instead, I saw a little tiny hose in the toilet move out, point at me, and spray me in the face. (From my yelp, you could tell that I was evidently not ready for the adventure ahead.)

This is why accurate translations and icons/buttons are so very important. Don't say "shower" if it's not about the shower; instead, write "intrusive gush of water where you'd least expect it". Geez, imagine the surprise I would have gotten if I had actually been seated on the throne.

Head for the Hills!

Lunch was at the Yokohama Sky building, home of the world's second largest Sogo. But we were up on the 28th floor, at El Torito -- nice to have mainstream Mexican food, since I've been off it for about 3 months now.

So here I am, chilling on the 49th floor of the prestigious Roppongi Hills Mori Tower. Were I opening up our Japanese office (as my ex-supervisor did), I would definitely have chosen this location as well -- as a member (roughly 600 USD/mo), you get access to a set number of meeting room hours, unlimited workspace hours with WLAN, and refreshments in the fridge, nap room (which they called "meditation room"), lounge, library, everything. It's just so damned gorgeous in here, and the view from up here make the Tokyo Tower look pretty disappointing.

I just wish my camera battery hadn't died this morning, and that I hadn't left the charger back in the Tokyo hotel. Dammit, but maybe I can squeeze a few more shots out of it.

Tokyo to Kyoto, Yo

Today was a long day: two meetings, train rides galore -- and hell, they ain't cheap -- in the sweltering heat, and my first-ever Shinkansen ride from Tokyo to Kyoto in the west.

My first night in Japan was spent in the crazy-busy hustle and neon-world of Shibuya/Harajuku, gawking at strangely-dressed and -costumed Japanese teenagers. By contrast, my second night was spent in the serene peacefulness of Kyoto / Arashiyama, sitting on a boat on a lake on a cool evening watching traditional ukai fishing. This cormorant fishing method is really something worth seeing.

[ Oh yeah. We wandered into a tiny Japanese restaurant that night, where I sampled some of the best tenzaru soba (cold noodles) and various tempura vegetables in my life. But the real treat was a plate of assorted sashimi ordered by my colleague: toro, some kind of fish similar to red snapper, a special kind of ika, and a single piece of a very rare ebi. Yum. ]

Pimp My Flight

I've never been a big jetsetter, and still don't consider myself one, but China Airlines got it into their heads that I was worth one of their Dynaster Flyer Gold statuses. Hey, who am I to argue, right? It's really not a big deal. I mean, mostly the "added benefits" are really "reinstated services" -- they've just removed the restrictions on things that you should have gotten anyway.

Like, being able to get through the check-in line quickly. Instead of actually speeding up their check-in process, they just let me skip the line. Or, like increased weight allowances for baggage -- now I get 30kg for short flights instead of 20kg, big whoop. Before, they would hurry you through check-in, collect your boarding pass, your flight stub, some baggage tag scanner code slips, and then stuff it into your passport and off you go. Now, I noticed that they take the extra time to carefully arrange them in a cascading manner (so you can see every item in the bunch), all nicely aligned. Alright, because I'm so anal, I'm really appreciating that.

But most of all, I'm liking the pimp VIP lounge that I get to rest in, read papers in, watch HDTV in, have complimentary snacks and drinks in, and get internet access in. This way, I can enjoy a drink, rest up, and blog. Like now. Cheers!

Learn Something New

Something new I learned at work on Friday: ants cannot survive 30 seconds in the microwave. They kind of melt, sort of, but everything is intact. Like, their bodies are still their bodies, but it's like they're wet and plastered against the inner surface of the nuker machine. Yeah, I thought it was pretty neat too.

We'll Be Right Back ...

I have another gripe on an otherwise gorgeous Friday: commercial breaks on Taiwanese TV. Back home, TV commercials came on in a very obvious way. The show stops on a scene, then quick pass through black before the first commercial comes on.

But not here. There's no fade to/from black, oh no. Here, they pounce on you. All of a sudden, you're no longer watching a show, you're watching some ad about a dog carrying a notebook computer around. And the first few times, you're not even sure where that handover is; maybe there really was a dog in the show carrying a notebook, you can't tell anymore.

Heck, sometimes (on the movie channels) you get instead a 5-second delay where it tells you to "take a break" from the TV and goes to ads. Sometimes it's a picture of a little tropical island with a swaying palm tree, sometimes it looks like a blue-ish screensaver. But more often, you don't even get that courtesy. You get an immediate scene change, straight from movie to ad.

And they choose the most inopportune scenes to change in, like -- in movies I've seen before, so I know -- they put them in the middle of a scene. In a vital scene, one that could be pivotal to the movie plot. And I'll tell you that more than once, I've been shocked to see that they've even cut it in the middle of an actual conversation. Like, one person asks another the no-bullsh!t-cut-to-the-chase question about something, and then the other person ... nothing, they do nothing. Because it's that damned dog carrying the notebook again.

Harajuku Girls?

So. Business trip to Tokyo and Yokohama next week. I'm there the whole week -- Sunday to Sunday -- but meetings are only Monday through Thursday. So I have Friday through Sunday to re-acquaint myself with this city; haven't visited since 1990!

Question is, since it's been 15 years already, what should I do around Tokyo? Already one day (Friday) will be taken by my colleague driving me around the countryside, and he suggests to use the other day(s) to go around the city. What else?