Canadian Oscars

So it's been another year and the Oscars (or rather, Academy Awards) are on again. This year, for a change, I had to watch the coverage of the red carpet walks, as done by Ben Mulroney and Tanya Kim. It was horrible. Absolutely atrocious. Ben pointed out that two people were just "over there", and they cut to a camera zoom-in view of the back of one person's head. I mean, come on.

What's even sadder (through no fault of Ben's) is that Americans just don't know much (or nearly anything) about Canadians. (I'm not blaming them for this.) And when they're all glitzed up, they're only interested in glamouring with their familiar shows: Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, E Online. So you'll see that half the stars will politely not give CTV the time of day. Another quarter of them will graciously smile and nod or wave to acknowledge that there is a person and a CTV camera there -- but from a safe distance away, and without even stopping.

Then you have the rest of them, who probably happened to be speaking with an adjacent press crew and haplessly wandered too close to our host Mulroney. They get snatched by Ben, who has to introduce himself, after which they still have no clue who he is. They really don't, and you can tell with their plastic oh-of-course-how-are-you-Ben responses.

So what does he do when he's worked so hard for a few seconds of these very few stars? He pesters them about any Canadian connection they have.

"How is it to work with so-and-so-Canadian-star?"
"Oh, you had your premiere at so-and-so-place in so-and-so-Canadian-city. How was that?"
"You look great. What perfume are you wearing?" (He finishes this one off with an I'm-wearing-Prada statement.)

Of course, the stars don't know a thing. So the answers are all vague and generic, without substance. Even from the most eloquent and articulate celebrities. But finally, he pulls the "[enter your Canadian region of choice here] misses you" crap, to which the obvious cookie cutter response is that the star will say they miss [Canadian region] too.

Seriously, Ben? I mean, seriously?

Of course, in the midst of all this, he is constantly cutting them off after half a sentence. Then he's frantically waving his mic between himself and the interviewee so that you can't hear half of the words being said. That's what you get when you send a little boy to the Oscars, and he's completely giddy from meeting the big stars: lousy media coverage that made me watch the last half of The Simpsons instead.

[ Oh wait, the Entertainment Tonight guys are doing the "official" Oscars interviews now, on their own platform. Okay, let's see what that's like. ]

That Voice

Have you seen the movie trailers for The Grudge and Boogeyman? You know the guy who does the voiceovers in them, with that deep, eerie voice? Do you think his children ask him not to read them bedtime stories?

One for the Canadian Chefs

I love Iron Chef, but not so much the original Japanese series as the Iron Chef America ones. (Maybe I'm partial because Alton Brown narrates them.) And it's amazing what the chefs can do in the heat of battle, as a testament to their culinary know-how and nimble cooking.

So it's with great pride that I announce that Rob Feenie has won an Iron Chef battle. His cuisine reigns supreme! Says who? Says the judges. CTV.ca reports that Feenie triumphed over Masaharu Morimoto, which is good, because that guy is a tad bit cocky.

So for you Vancouver locals, if you haven't yet been there, work your way to Feenie's retaurant named (duh) Feenie's. I'm sure they'll be even more booked now, dammit.

Great, now I need to download that episode. I hate not having Food Network here.

Fine, don't leave one.

People constantly call my place. Ring, ring, ring ... click, and the answering machine comes on. And then you hear:

"Doooooooooooooo ..."

Nothing. Just a dial tone. They don't even leave a message.

And that makes me wonder whether the caller really had anything in any value to say in the first place, if it wasn't even worth leaving a quick message. After all, we always say:

"Well, if it's important, they'll call back."

(Although, what if it was their one call from the police station, and they just wasted it to talk to your answering machine? But I guess if that were the case, they really would have regretted hanging up without leaving a message. Serves them right.)

But then, we all do that. We've all done it at one time or another -- be honest, sure you have -- and at the time, we had our reasons for just hanging up on the machine without so much as leaving a message. So, let's have it out, then. When do you decide not to leave a message, and why?

Dunno What It Means, But It's Permanent

Okay, I have to say something about the improper uses of Chinese characters ("han zi") / Japanese kanji.

While doing my daily random browsing (while trying to "focus" in between real work), I stumbled across a rather interesting site: Hanzi Smatter. The site/blog collects these "improper use" sights found on the streets and then disects the meanings. Funny stuff. (Some are a little far off, as in they're stretching it far, just to ridicule the phrases. But eh, still funny.)

This phenomenon has slowly grown popular amongst non-Asians largely because the characters have this "cool look" to them. The forms of the words, the brush strokes and stylistic shapes, they just look cool. Never mind, of course, what it means.

But please, people, do a little research.

Especially if you're going to tattoo it on you.

Sure, I've thought (in passing) that if I were to get a tattoo, I'd want a single Chinese character, and small. But (1) I haven't yet found a single word that encompasses what I want to project, (2) I don't want to be a tattooed thug-lookin' grandpa, and (3) hell no I ain't going through that pain.

The Price Is Right?

Now that the recent "holiday" is over, here's a question I've always wondered about.

How much do you spend on a gift for your significant other? And how does this compare to how much you spend on other people?

I know that answers will come back running the gamut. Some couples don't really buy presents. Some spend a lot -- I know a guy who bought his now-wife a really nice mountain bike for their anniversary or something, back when they were dating. Some only buy for their loved ones, and not so much for the friends. Some buy something for everyone, no matter how small.

Let me know roughly where you stand along that line; more isn't necessarily better. This'll be interesting to see!

... and Violets are Blue

Ah, perhaps the most over-rated "holiday" of the year comes upon us once more. A day that annually strongarms us into showing our affections/emotions for our special someones (as applicable). The one holiday out of the year that's almost specifically targeted at alienating the single people who haven't succumbed to societal expectations to take that "logical" next step in life towards interdependency and compromise. And a day that we all somehow accept and follow along with quietly (baa baa). As if everyday shouldn't already be a day that we're celebrating our love, right?

Now, I'm not necessarily against Valentine's Day, but I'm also not especially for this day either. Take this month as a reminder for those you love -- near and far, said and unsaid -- instead of having to hone in on this one day.

This is the one day for which the majority of cut flowers are sold. Today, we'll all watch as flower prices skyrocket, and men all over the world reluctantly hand their credit cards over to giddy florists. A dozen decent roses will run these fellows upwards of $80, if they want them with greens and baby's breath -- which sounds like an option, but really isn't.

You can't just buy one -- protocol for this day explicitly dictates you buy 12. Don't believe me? Read the unwritten handbook from last year, aka your significant other's expectations. And if the quality and size of the rosebud weren't enough, florists and conspired to differentiate their products by the length of the stems attached!

I am against buying roses, though. Personally. In my life, I've probably only bought roses on three occasions, and never have I purchased a dozen reds, and never on Valentine's Day. Instead, I opt to buy flowers of different types: daisies, tulips, larkspurs, stargazers (which, when white, are actually called Monte Carlos). And never red, if I can help it.