All Quiet Except For The Coughing

I'm getting better at typing ok the iPod Touch virtual keyboard, now that I've had a few days to play with this new toy of mine. Otherwise, not a whole lot to report, except that I am sick as a dog. I'm waking up every two hours or so, in a mad coughing fit, and it takes a while before I can calm back down and fall asleep again. Hope the rest of you guys are doing well.

Suddenly Up

It's weird.
I'm suddenly very awake in the middle of the night.
I feel like I've had a full and restful sleep,
even though it's been only 2 hours of sleep.
I guess my jetlag this time is really affecting me?
Old age? Or just too much on my mind?
Having mixed feelings about different things, really.
Anxiety, excitement, sorrow, fear, and nostalgia.
Wedding planning is really a handful.
Maybe another shot of the cough syrup and back to bed.

Home for the Holidays

Okay, so I'm not really going home for the holidays -- at least, not the Christmas holidays. I'm heading back to Vancouver for a few weeks to gel all the plans for 2008 and see my family and friends and such. A couple of side trips, a couple of important tasks to accomplish, and hopefully a lot of good food.

Been (more than) a little depressed these past ... five days. Something I want really bad is slipping through my fingers and I have no recourse. If the universe is busy kickin' Taj's ass, then I might be able to obtain this goal while it's pre-occupied. Otherwise, I'm hooped.

And if I don't blog more in the next few days, it's because I didn't blog more.

Back

As I somehow feared, and as has always been a thorn in the dark recesses of my mind, something in my past has come back to haunt me. I must fix it this time.

Nerves

I'm rather nervous this morning.

Haven't been this nervous since ... my Grade 9 piano exam for the RCoM. The night before that, I dreamt that my eyes went almost blind and I couldn't see, and then my fingers were paralyzed and I couldn't play anything, despite wanting to. The next morning, it was pretty much like that too.

Wish me luck.

The Art of Farting

If you're going to cough really loud to mask the sound of your fart, you definitely need to get the timing right.

Because if you mis-time it, then what's the point, really?
Then you've just coughed and farted into a room of people whose thoughts about you you obviously care about.
And it will be obvious that your fake cough was for covering up your butt burp.
In the future, if you ever cough in front of these people again, they'll wonder if you farted as well and tried to cover it up.
Plus, a cough doesn't cover up the stink of your gas burrito. You know that, right?
Even if you do the cough cover-up right, it never really masks the sound 100%; people can tell, you know, and your best bet is probably just to leave the room before letting your ass do its methane broadcast.

I'm just saying.

Monet ... Don't Punch Back

There are stupid people, gutsy stupid people, and then there are people who just have no sense of ... well, anything. I mean, why would you break into a museum and then punch a hole in a priceless painting? You guys are losers.

1 + 1 Ain't 2

I walked up to the counter beside all the hanging meats dripping with the fatty aroma of roasted flavour. In the distance, behind the back wall, I could hear the frantic stirfrying and deepfrying of several orders at once.

"I'd like a chicken chowmein [雞絲炒麵]."

The crabby lady looked at me like I was ordering a pizza at Burger King.

"We don't have that."
"You don't have chicken chowmein?"
"No. See? It's not on the menu."

I knew it wasn't on the menu, but I wanted chicken chowmein [雞絲炒麵]. I scanned the menu to see they had chicken on various other menu items, but (as she rightfully pointed out) not on chowmein (fried noodles).

Now, I know a little about cooking, but I guess it was just silly of me to assume that stirfrying chicken and frying noodles could be combined in a way to create "chicken and fried noodles".

Still, I attempted to reason with her instead of following the strict letter of the menu. I tried to break it down for her, into little bitesize brain morsels as I had with the plastic knife incident.

"... but you serve chowmein?"
"We have pork chowmein [肉絲炒麵]."
"So, you have chowmein." It was obvious, but I wanted to hear her say it.
"Yes." She was starting to lose interest in this conversation.
"And you have chicken, right?"

There was a long pause as she stared blankly at me with a that's-a-moronic-question look. A second later, something clicked and she caught on to my point. With an aire of a Noodle Nazi, she cut off the argument.

"We don't have chicken chowmein."

I had a mapo tofu over rice [麻婆豆腐飯].

Daily Caption

It's Friday here, so here's a little Friday-type post for ya.

I've added the DailyCaption to my list of "coffee cup" sites -- sites I visit every day or every morning. Basically, the guy searches for a random (or not-so-random) tag on flickr, grabs a photo each day, and posts it on this site (with credits to the photographer). Then we all submit a caption for it, and vote on the ones we like (+1pt) and don't like (-1pt).

Some of them are damned hilarious!

Fresh TV, Getting Fresh with You

[Warning: this post is dirty and contains content sexual in nature. Some of it is even really really gross. And it's definitely sooo out of the character of my normal posts.]

First, get your mind deep, deep in the gutter. Then behold the following video and see how many sexual references you can catch.



I missed most of these allusions, and had to look them up on the Urban Dictionary for advice from minds more corrupted than mine. There are even a ton that I never noticed on the first watching, and some that I know must refer to something dirty, but have no idea what.

Here's what I found (except for the obvious ones), roughly in chronological order:

The choking the chicken, dirt bike, helmet, bell end, dirt track, dog bath, donkey punch / slap ass, spit roast, cream pie, tradesman's entrance, painting the walls, spiderman, the Map Of Tassie, teabagging, hand shandy, pork sword, docking or space docking, beef curtains, sinking the brown, corner pocket, dirty sanchez, sandwich, rusty trombone, and the tissue at the end.

But there's one scene that I couldn't figure out, of him looking at his arm where there's a tanline or something of his watch. What the heck does that mean??

Ya learn something new every day, huh. Don't ever tell me this blog never teaches you anything!